There are days when I see myself in the mirror and I don’t like what I see. I don’t like how my hair looks or I wish that my ears didn’t stick out as much, or that my stomach was flatter. I wish that my thoughts and words were kinder and that I was better at living for Jesus. I worry that people don’t like me and that my words are frustrating or annoying to them. I’ll be honest…there have been times in my life where I relive every little conversation, look, comment in my head over and over, overthinking how I could have done better or been kinder or wondered if I did something to irritated or bother the person.
Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is confident in who they are and doesn’t struggle with self-esteem issues or putting themselves down. But I know that just isn’t true…we often go to pretty far lengths to hide our insecurities from the rest of the world. I don’t think that hiding those struggles is what is best for us though. Especially in this world of social media, it is so easy to compare ourselves to what others let us see….thinking that other people seem to have it so together, from their looks to relationships, to overall lifestyle. But that isn’t realistic.
And I know that. I know that what I see isn’t always the whole story. I know there are other people out there that struggle. I know that while I feel so alone, there are probably way more people than I realize that deal with the same thoughts and struggles as I do. But while I know this in my head…it doesn’t always help. Sometimes it doesn’t even help in the least. I still don’t feel good enough. I still feel like I will never measure up or be good enough. My hubby can tell me a million times that I’m beautiful and wonderful and sometimes it doesn’t seem true to me.
And that’s because I am my own biggest enemy. My mother-in-law recently shared a song with me, “Be Kind to Yourself” by Andrew Peterson. And every time I have heard it since, I have been in tears by the end of the song. “You got all that emotion that’s heaving like an ocean and you’re drowning in a deep, dark well. I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice…you would rather be anyone else.”I think there are moments that all of us would rather be someone different. “How does it end when the war that you’re in is just you against you against you. Gotta learn to love, learn to love, learn to love your enemies too.”
And sometimes it’s harder to love myself then anybody else..I feel so broken so inadequate. But…“You can’t expect to be perfect, it’s a fight you’ve gotta forfeit. You belong to me whatever you do. So lay down your weapon, darling. Take a deep breath and believe that I love you.”As a daughter of God, you would think I would know this. You think that I would always be good at accepting myself, since I know my Father loves me no matter what. Sometimes knowing it in my head doesn’t mean I allow it to reach my heart.
The picture of me in the mirror, on my wedding day, is a picture that I actually really like of myself. When I see this picture I remind myself that God sees me as even more beautiful than that (both on the outside and the inside). And yes I am imperfect and broken, but God loves me exactly the way I am so much that He is willing to spend the rest of my human life fighting with me to help me become more like Him. So please, if you struggle with your looks, or personality, or anything about yourself…Be Kind to Yourself. You look down on yourself more than anybody else around you does. Remember, that even if you don’t see it everyone else has their struggles too. And most of all that God loves you and wants you to love yourself.
“I love you just the way that you are. I love the way He made your precious heart.”
“Be kind to yourself.
Be kind to yourself.”